Do you experience life with a lot of drama? Are you sick and tired of all the drama? Well, there is a way through the looking glass to have a life with less drama and more connection with people. How would you define drama? It is defined in the dictionary_ an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances.
If you see a pattern of drama, I want you to journey on it so you can identify a possible pattern to the drama. One of my friends said “What is hysterical is historical.” Does that ring a bell with you? I am learning that most of the adult emotions of fear, hurt, hysteria develop in childhood. It does not have to be a big life-threatening situation and it could be something small that happened. There were facts that occurred and that you made up about what happened. When we can examine the difference between the 2 it can simplify life and heal some of the trauma or drama.
For instance, you were 10y years old and your parents were fighting. You overheard them arguing and made up that when dad left the next day it was because he didn’t love you and you were bad. Can you relate to that situation? I made up something in grade school that I still have to overcome and still work though at times. I had to take special reading classes in school and always felt dumb. There were subtle occurrences in the classroom. So as I grew up I still felt stupid and dumb and yet in high school I graduated with honors and the same with college/University I graduated with cum laude and still though I was not smart. Look at the situation with me and explain the story. That is all it is a story. I made up that when I was young I was dumb and assumed that I had grown up not to be smart. However, there was evidence that it was not true.
Now I want you to write down your drama story on one side of the page and write down the facts on the other. Compare the two. Does that help you to process what happened in the past and not allow it to hurt you as much?
Why do we make up and assume a story from the facts? Due to past experiences, we register that situation from childhood with your perspective and add things into the story that supposes your drama story. You might think this is normal. When we push those feelings down, they can show up later by you exploding at something that your spouse will not understand at that specific time. We all have our perspectives of the facts and how we feel so with your perspective you make up a story to try to understand what you are experiencing.
Drama stirs up people’s feelings and facts are just facts. Does it make sense to you that if you take away the fiction you can see the situation more clearly. Then you can talk about the facts and your emotions might get out of the way of expressing yourself and coming to a mutual resolution.
How does this new approach support you to have a simpler life, with less drama and better communication? It is kind of like clearing out the clutter in your house. If you do that, you should feel much lighter. Carrying around all the drama is heavy. How does that feel to you? Those ways we make up drama is under the belief that a person can read your mind. My husband should just know I want him to take out the trash. Why doesn’t he do it? I have to nag him? Would the wife do differently?
Example- The couple sits down when tempers are not flying around and discuss the need for the garbage to be taking out the side of the road. Possibly you could say I will take out the garage if you are willing to make dinner one night a week. I could love to cook and he would be happy with that resolution to the trash situation. That feels much better to me instead of pissing and moaning about the situation.
How could acknowledging the difference between being able to observe the facts and see the drama part of your story about a life circumstance change your life? This might bring you more peace and harmony in your life. It is possible that it could enhance your relationships and your communication. It could support you to recognize your triggers so you can heal from past traumas. Self-examination is a powerful tool in life. You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.
